dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
