I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
So vagazzling was a success
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