So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
