Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
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