I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize