Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
