I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
