Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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