Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
