he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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