My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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