Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
