yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
