First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
