just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
