I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
