Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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