you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
