Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
God I need to hump something, right now.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
