I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
