God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
