We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
