Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
