I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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