we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
