dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
