she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
