i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
