I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
