Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
