Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize