Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
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