Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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