You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
