I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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