$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
True college students do jello shots in the library
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