The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
