We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
