yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
