I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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