i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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