he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize