I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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