Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
