it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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