2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
