Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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