last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
