and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
