Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
This gyro tastes like lonliness
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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