Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
