So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
