If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
