Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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