Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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