By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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