i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
