My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
