I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize