u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
