i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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