I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
