I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Randomize
