Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
