Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
