i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
