sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
i think my cat just said my name.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Randomize
