Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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