i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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