Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
My butt remains clenched, sir.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
