she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
