I saw his package. It spoke to me.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Randomize
