I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Boobs speak an international language.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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