About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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