if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
