Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
