I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
