Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
