I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize