Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
