haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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