yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
