i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
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