I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize