I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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