please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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