dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
