I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
