Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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