Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
