i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
my sisters under your porch take her home
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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