The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
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