There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
