I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
