I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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