wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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