i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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