arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
