What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
