Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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