I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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