i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
