it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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