So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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