I love black thongs
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize