I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
